• Kim St-Onge

Meditation of my Heart


He was the enemy! He opened the proverbial can of worms — the one that had been festering and ignored...well, not necessarily ignored, but stored deep into the back recesses. My spirit was nudging — gently trying to warn me... but my heart (the one that is deceitful above all things), was desperately trying to portray perfection.... wanting others to see my wonderful, put together, picture-perfect life. So, the one who brings the garbage into the open? He gets it - the full attack! Yes, and that is exactly what happened! And I felt justified. After all, he brought trouble into my Eden. (Well, he simply exposed what was actually there, but how dare he?!) I let loose my anger from my brain and my heart, then through my tongue — it wasn’t pretty! But still, I felt justification. That is, until I shared the drama with my closest friends... My beautiful, caring friends... What hit me right then and there, was the look on one friend’s face. Not the ever-so-slight gasp from others, but the sad eyes of one dear lady. It was as if Jesus, Himself, looked straight into me — the look I can imagine met Peter’s eyes after Peter had betrayed Jesus. Words weren’t necessary. My Spirit made sure I got the message. Not only did that look convict me, but my Spirit also brought to mind a Bible verse that this good Christian girl had memorized: Psalm 19:14 says, “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable (pleasing) in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer.”


The light went on in my head and heart where I had let darkness take over, and I knew that I had to let that light proceed through my tongue. I confessed to God, was bless with His forgiveness, and then knew I had to face the young man I had verbally accosted. Do not think for a minute that I didn’t have concerns that he might not accept my apology, or worse... But, he was gracious, albeit surprised, (and maybe the surprise kept him quiet, hehe), and the wrong was righted, and my spirit was at peace. There are so many areas in my life where I have to make the concentrated effort to remind myself that I need to take my thoughts (meditation of my heart) into check! Are those thoughts pleasing to God? Will they progress into nasty words or actions? I would LOVE to say that I have not had to deal with this same problem ever again...but thankfully, through God, I triumphed then and can triumph over and over and over again. For this I am truly thankful, especially because I now have a wonderful son-in-law who also forgave me all those years ago.


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