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I thank God regularly for His great creation outside! Outside is where I go to breathe. In case you hadn’t noticed, I post quite a few pics of me and my wonderful outdoor lifestyle... What you may not know, is that I really struggle with my indoor life.
I do realize that it has been pretty much radio silence from this end of the relationship, my friends. That just may be a sign that things are not going that great with me, mentally, or spiritually...
I can apologize for being too busy, but the reality is that I have been struggling.
The worst part of struggling is that it makes me feel like I am failing, and I am a fraud. I am writing to you about relationships, physically and spiritually, and yet am not doing well myself.
My friend texted me this morning, and asked me if I was okay, because she hadn’t been getting my blog posts... and then, she said that no matter what, I need to write and just be real... Why do I think that my friends and family simply want to hear my “everything is awesome” spiels? Ha! Did you realize that “spiel” actually means “a lengthy, often glib talk that’s intended to persuade...”? Who am I trying to persuade that everything is awesome in my life? I digress...
I can genuinely make excuses that I am super frustrated that my home was ripped apart for renovations, but never actually renovated; that my lights were all removed from our unfinished ceiling and the weather has turned so gloomy and the sun disappears way to soon daily; but no matter what, the problem hits deeper with the fact that my eyes are dimming to focusing on what is right in front of me, instead of looking at the hope that I am supposed to live for...
I do not thrive on dim, or on lack of hope. So, I guess, what I am needing most right now is to trust. Trust that God is really the One in control. Trust that God really does love me and have the best in mind for me. Trust that God is the only One that can change hearts, and lives, and for the better. Trust that His timing is the best timing.
Psalm 62:8 tells me to “Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge.” And I do the pouring out of my heart, but the trusting part has been weak.
See this tree? I saw this on my walk a few days ago, and it brought to mind, “From all appearances, in my mind, this is me - dying in my circumstances. But God is performing some miracles underneath...”
“God, the one and only— I’ll wait as long as He says. Everything I hope for comes from Him, so why not? He’s solid rock under my feet, breathing room for my soul, An impregnable castle: I’m set for life. My help and glory are in God —granite-strength and safe-harbor-God— So trust Him absolutely, people; lay your lives on the line for Him. God is a safe place to be.” Psalm 62:5-8 MSG
Daily I escape outside, where I go to breathe! Yet, God is “breathing room for my soul”! Breathe Him in, Kim! Take deep, soul-feeding breaths!
How many awesome castles did we scale in Croatia, on our amazing holiday? Yet, God... He is my “impregnable castle” - unable to be shaken or overcome... I NEED to trust in this, to stop letting myself be overcome by my circumstances.
I prayerfully hope that I can encourage you not to let the gloomy skies and maybe gloomy circumstances of life keep your gaze, but to move your eyes to the hope that God offers... to breathe in His breathing room for your soul, and to take delight in the impregnable castle that is Him!
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; He’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God ! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life!” Proverbs 3:5-8 MSG
That is what I want and need - to be vibrant with life! Where do I go to breathe, to take the breath that gives life? Where do you go?